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john mayer [ say ] |
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When I was in college, I took a psychology class called Human Development. This class studied human development in all it's forms (phyiscal, mental, emotional, psychological, etc) from conception to death. The last chapter that we covered in the class was on death and we spent quite a bit of time on premature death, such as that of a child or teenager, or even someone middle aged and how others cope with that. An exercise we were given was to write what we considered to be the ideal age to die and to make a list of things that we wanted to achieve before we died. She went on to ask if we would take the opportunity to find out ahead of time our date of death if that was possible. I was one of the only people in the class who said yes, that I would want to know.
I believe that as humans, we take advantage of way too much. We procrastinate, and if we don't make the most of the time we have, then years and years will pass us by and we'll never do what we wanted to. However, if we were to know the exact date that we were going to die, we would make the most of every day, every hour, and every minute. This is a class that I packed up my old book and notes on once the semester was over and didn't think too much about it until yesterday, when I watched The Bucket List. I began to think, if I knew I only had a short time to live, what would I do?
First, let's talk about what I wouldn't do. I wouldn't go back to work next month. I wouldn't want to waste my time on something as frivilous as a television show, because at the end of the hour that it's on midweek, it means nothing. I wouldn't do anything crazy or outrageous, nor would I want to visit this place or that. I've lived an amazing life, seen a million things I never thought I would. I've gotten to visit places and meet people that have made a huge impact on me. But that is a small list considering what I would do.
I'd eat whatever I want. Granted, I already do, but during the tv season, I have to watch what I put into my mouth, if for no other reason than to keep my ass fitting into Amanda's size 2 clothes. I meet with a trainer, I count calories, and I don't indulge when I really want something. But I would - I'd eat cookies and candy and ice cream whenever I wanted it. I wouldn't bake a piece of chicken for dinner, but I would have a huge steak, slather it with steak sauce, and eat every bite. I might even have a root beer float for dessert. No more measuring or baking to make things healthier.
I'd take the time to talk to all of my friends more often, past and present, reconnect, and make sure they realize how much I love them. I wouldn't want to exit this life without them knowing how much of an impact they made on my life. I know that sometimes, when I'm not being myself, some of you make an effort to ask Colin if I'm okay, and really, you have no idea how good that makes me feel. Just to know that you're making that effort to make sure everything is alright even when I won't talk. I'd make sure to meet each of these friends face to face. There's a few that I only know through journaling, or those that I've met only briefly face to face, but haven't seen since. I'd make sure that all those that I consider a friend know how much light they brought to my life.
I'd move back to LA, preferably with Colin in tow. I love New York, but LA is where my family is. I'd want to be near my parents and brother, and I'd want to be closer to the Hanks side of my family to get to know them better in the time that I had left. I'd want them to know how much I love them already, even though I was only a Hanks for a short time. I'd make sure I told them how great of a man they raised Colin to be and how much he did for me. I'd spend my time indulging in the small things with my family, even if it's as silly as running errands with my mom or watching a movie with my brother. I'd spend my days taking my puppy to the park and playing with him, or just experiencing nature with my family, or taking Truman to do things that a 12 year old enjoys. I don't know much about sports, but my brother, husband, father in law, and brother in laws love it - so I'd want to take the time to experience this with them, even if I just spent the time stuffing my face with hot dogs and beer.
I'd spend my evenings dedicating my time to Colin. I'd want him to know, as I said before, everything that he did for me. I wasn't one of those girls who wrote off the idea of ever getting married or falling in love again after my divorce, but I never actually made it a goal to find it again. He came as a surprise to me, made me feel even more alive in ways that I hadn't felt before. We would never get the opportunity to have children, but I'd make sure that he knew how much I wanted to and how life would be for us if we could. I'd tell him that I regret the fact that this is a chance we'll never get, but I never regret the time I had with him. I know that I would never be replaced to him, but I'd encourage him not to stop living because I had to. I'd want him to move on, cherish the time he had with me, and find someone else that made him feel the way I did. I'd want him to find love again, to take all the chances that life was offering, even if he couldn't with me. I'd tell him every chance I got that I love him and that it won't stop just because I'm not here. I wouldn't let a moment become wasted and I'd take advantage of each kiss that I give him, each hug that brings us together, and each time that he made love to me. I would want him to remember the good times that we had together and forget the bad.
This is what I would do if I only had a month to live. What would you do? Would you devote your time to your family and friends? Or would you try to do all the things that you never got around to doing before? Then again, what's the point in waiting until we find out that we don't have much time left to do these things? Get out and do those things today.
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like no ones watching. Live each day as if it were your last.
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